I woke up in a closet.

Hot dogs love the Mayor.

And I love Takeru Kobayashi.

Maybe last year he blew chunks because he’s a closet bulimic. Before and after he imbibes all those links of animal matter, he’s got a pretty good looking stomach. Is he a robot? Does he have a gag reflex? Did he have a lot of siblings growing up?

Anyway, I think I’m going to the hot dog eating contest on Friday. I was looking forward to sleeping in, but to get a decent standing place in the crowd, I’ll probably have to wake up at nine or ten to get on the train for the next two hours. SPF 75 guys, it was made for the my skin, the depleted ozone layer, and tree-less parking lots.

I’ve been an on and off vegetarian since I was a freshman in high school (it’s so hard to resist chicken finger subs from Jim’s Steakout and Sportos), and I’ve been eating more fish and chicken lately — at least once a week. I don’t think I can really call myself a vegetarian anymore, but I’m not a huge fan of eating meat.

• It’s not for animal rights issues (sorry Peta), although I do think cows are one of the cutest animals in the world.
• It’s not for religious reasons.

When I visited my oldest sister in New York when I was in middle school, I thought she was the coolest ever, and we were going out to eat, eating at vegetarian diners or restaurants without much of a meat influence. shortly after that I decided meatless was the way to go. My mom stopped eating meat too. I couldn’t formulate an answer without sounding like I just wanted to be my sister, so I started thinking about the pros of vegetarianism, listing those, and coming up with other kind of weird reasons:

• The diet is lower in fat. Yet, for awhile I found myself over doing it with cheese and corn chips, but I started buying morning star soy patties and boca burgers. In the long run, I gained a lot of weight which I contribute to eating bowl after bowl of cereal, and massive cheese-subs. I didn’t have very good control over my blood sugar. But now, I eat more vegetables, nuts, and whole grain cereals to tide myself over.
• Vegetarianism makes you more aware of what goes into your body. I started reading ingredients on packages at the grocery store. I’m still embarrassed about the first time I found out — and was shocked — that there is chicken stock in chicken flavored Ramen noodles.
• And here’s the weirdest of them all that I still have trouble explaining: Vegetarians smell better. In middle school I was really self-conscious (and kind of overly aware) of this bad breath and b.o. problem I thought I had. I read that people who eat spicy food and red meat tend to have a more pungent smell wafting out of their pores and sweat glands because of toxins being released during the breakdown.

Whatever, and ever, I’ve been busy working and doing activities on the weekend so I need more stuff in my tank to burn up. Chicken and fish hang out in my stomach longer, so I’ve resorted to eating things that don’t have four legs.

The End.