I woke up in a closet.


A friend of mine googled an embarrassing question tonight.
March 8, 2012, 6:07 am
Filed under: Embarrassment, Essay, Ha-Ha's, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

And it was “If a guy tells you he’s not into you just for sex, what does that mean?”

This friend told me that this guy she’s been hanging out with for the last couple weeks was gushing about how into her he was, and it all sounded really nice and made her feel happy until he said “I like you a lot, it’s not just for sex.” She said that she immediately became suspicious of the statement because no one had ever made the point of including that information in a profession of “like”. She couldn’t decide if it sounded like a dishonest person bringing up the lie in the situation to try to dismiss a doubt as part of their plan to get just that which they had mentioned, or if it was a genuine comment.

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Imaginary, ordinary, it’s you that I belong with
December 6, 2008, 4:18 am
Filed under: Ha-Ha's | Tags: , , ,

The whirlwind by Architecture in Helsinki.

The characters remind me of Super Bonk, a Sega Gensis Game.

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I’m going to write a book about all the situations that remind me of awkward high school dances.
November 16, 2008, 4:37 am
Filed under: Essay, Ha-Ha's | Tags: , , , ,

Last night, Scott was scheduled to bartend at a Triple Canopy event in Bushwick.  Two friends of ours were supposed to tag along with us so that I’d have people to stand around and look cool with while Scott was opening bottles for rowdy literary enthusiasts.  Right before we were going to leave, Gray called and said he didn’t really want to go out and couldn’t get a hold of our friend Jared.  I decided in advance that I would go into the party with a good attitude about standing around in a crowd of people I didn’t know after drinking a couple of beers.  I have to say, I was pretty excited for the party.  I even took time to pick out a nice outfit and make my hair look cute.

photo-406photo-410It’s hard to tell from these shitty photobooth shots, but I totally decided to experiment with bobby pins and buns.

When we got into the party space, I didn’t panic with fear about appearing to be one of those people that shows up to social events alone and doesn’t even  bother to interact with other people.  I figured I wouldn’t think too much about the way people were looking at me, so I took my place against a wall and let the party unfold around me.

Part of the party unfolding, however, was a barrage of pick-up lines, awkward attempts at conversations, and glares from predators across the room.  Of course, of the many syndromes that are associated with partying (including lunch-table syndrome — usually of the lady’s sewing circle variety) Gazelle syndrome is the most prevalent in shy girls that stand up against walls and drink beer alone, occasionally wandering onto the dance floor to relieve the leg cramps from shifting weight from left foot to right foot and so on.

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Kate Beaton is cool.
July 11, 2008, 2:16 pm
Filed under: Ha-Ha's | Tags: , , , , , ,

I’m officially a fan of Kate Beaton:

Since the comics were cut-off when I was trying to post them directly in the body of this post, I’m being a douche and posting them as links. Sad news.

Jacques Cartier

You are too fat to be king.

You don’t have to do this.

There are a ton more awesome comics on the site. Just like every other day of the week, it’s a slow day at work, so I’m going through every one. The impending “ah-heh-heh” for the ending of each comic makes me feel like the 15 seconds it takes me to read them occupies an entire minute.


*Update: The Nonsense category is the BEST.*



Arts and Farts and Crafts

So I’m clearly on a post overload today, but when I woke up this morning I jumped out of bed, had time to make myself an egg sandwich, and get to work early enough that I had time to get coffee from Bittersweet.

Anyway, after work, I’m hitting up McCarren Pool for a screening of Wet Hot American Summer. This will be great because I haven’t seen the movie since I was 15. Aside from what will probably be an obnoxious gathering of kids in the pool, Michael Showalter will be introducing the film. Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip Hooray!

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What Queens is for…
July 2, 2008, 5:15 pm
Filed under: Ha-Ha's | Tags: , , , , ,

Farmland! The illegal kind!

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Shit happens at the Pratt Library.
June 23, 2008, 5:26 pm
Filed under: Ha-Ha's, Prattstitutes | Tags: , ,

A lot of really weird shit happens in the library because it’s in the middle of Brooklyn and some of the students are even a little crazy. But what happened literally five minutes ago puts the icing on the cake for strange shit.

This guy in a hooded sweatshirt comes up to the circulation desk and tells me, “It’s too hot upstairs,” which is weird because it’s usually too cold upstairs. I start to give him the spiel that he can talk to people in the basement about the temperature, but he’s already pulling something out of his pocket. “I’ve been trying to keep this baby bird alive, but it just died up there,” and by the time he finishes that sentence, he’s pulled out this thing that looks like it could be a wallet but turns out to be a leaf that’s wrapped around something. He pulls the side of the leaf away so I can see a bird and a head. A dead bird. I started saying “Uhhh… excuse me… ” And he put it back in his pocket, turned around, and headed for the door. I hope I’m at least on a candid camera show.