I woke up in a closet.


I’m not hanging out with you because I’m afraid of you.
February 18, 2012, 6:43 pm
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I’ve got this social problem when it comes to groups of girls.

Last night I was out with friends at a bar, and everyone sequestered themselves off within one big booth. For awhile I was talking to a kid who’s friends with a former roommate of mine, but I started to feel weird that all of the other girls were sitting together and laughing, so I got up without saying a word and started to play Big Buck Hunter — which, by the way, I’m getting really good at. The kid followed me over and started to play. He was asking questions and joking that he sucked at it more than even though he’s a boy. I walked away and bought another drink. When I got back to the table the kid was there again. We kept talking and that was fine. I was in the mood to have a conversation. But I looked up and saw a circle of girls filled with one good friend of mine and several acquaintances and started to wonder why I almost always wind up outside of a group like that. I finished my drink and said to the kid something to the effect of “jesus, groups of girls intimidate me. it’s time to go.” and if that wasn’t any indicator that I’m a crazy person and wasn’t trying to flirt with him at all, then I don’t know what would’ve been. I went out onto the street and hopped in a cab that snaked through throngs of drunk people holding each other in the street shouting nonsense and hailing cabs and thought over and over “what’s wrong with me?”.

I’ve always been able to have 1 or 2 really good girlfriends or I’ve at least been able to have normal friend interactions with a girl in one on one instances. I do feel intimidated by girls who can get together and laugh really loud and scream about an inside joke. I feel like I’d be judged if I sat there and watched them, or that I’d say something unfunny or irrelevant if I tried to join in on the squawking. So, because of this, I tend to find myself talking with a group of guys instead. Maybe half the time I am more interested in what they’re talking about anyway, but I realize that it must seem like I’m vying for their attention and I’m trying to be cool if I hang out with them instead of girls. That realization alone makes me feel even more self-conscious about my position in a room full of girls who are holding another arena of… not quite conversation in some cases, but what feels like a competition of who can be the loudest and come up with the funniest saying that gets repeated and giggled at from that moment on into the future. Phew, this is a really odd problem.

So, my goal is to get over that issue of being afraid of groups of girls and to try to change and feel more in line with my lady counterparts. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, if you will. In the past I’ve been able to at least seek refuge in my boyfriend in those circles, but I don’t have one anymore and I don’t want girls to think that I’ve got a “if it moves will I fuck it?” kind of mentality about guys when I always run to hang out with them instead in a social situation. This is probably going to be like teaching an old dog a new trick, but I’m going to try really hard to go against my immediate impulse and to be socially acceptable and not potentially scoffed at.

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