I woke up in a closet.

It's like we're robbing interesting television shows of airtime!

The Hills franchise has transported west-coast Whitney Port as an ambassador to The City where she will pout melodramatically at the mention of the absent dude of the moment that was inserted by producers to be her ambivalent love-interest, and she will drink glass after glass of wine at dinner parties.  The Hills is literally budding into a chain of Subway restaurants as fashionistas with Teen Vogue internships multiply out of Lauren Conrad’s apartment.  That place is like a meth-lab, and as comes with such productions, tons of people are addicted to the prime-time hits of soap opera mediocrity packaged in young, good-looking girls living on MTV’s tab.

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